I am inspired to write this blog by a dear online friend I had not “seen” for a while who has been having some life difficulties and wrote about it. She has a lovely blog, and I will add her link to the end of this post so you can visit. The topic she wrote about was failure, or perceived failure, and how it had touched her life and made her feel. She was very brave writing about her deepest feelings…and it touched my heart. What also touched my heart were the responses of love and support she received. And the threads of a blog took hold…
I have written about self-worth and failure before…but this is different. Because I think it is time we set aside our self-flogging weapons and face the fact that we are…Amazing Beings…just as we are.
Here we are…getting up each day to face a horrific world scenario to navigate through, while trying to carve out some life and peace while we are here…very important tasks to be sure! And what do we spend most of our precious thoughts, energy, and efforts on?
In a day, how many times do we berate ourselves, chastise, and mentally beat ourselves up for what we perceive as our failures or inabilities to conquer life, problems, worry, and stress. How much of our inner dialogue is scolding ourselves for not being “more” or criticizing who we are and how we do things? And how much of this inner dialogue is inspired by “what we perceive others are thinking about us”? Or for that matter, telling us in some instances. How many minutes, hours in a day do we spend negatively talking to ourselves?
And…where is it written that we have to believe any of it?
Our old friend, the trickster Fear, is driving that negative bus…and we need to take his license away.
We Fear not being good enough, not doing enough, not being enough or the right way or what everyone else thinks we should be. We Fear that if we do not conform or keep moving and rushing and “doing” that we will not be seen as intelligent or successful or worse…lovable. We Fear if we are not “perfect”, we will not be accepted and loved. Fear gets under our skin…so most of the time we pretend we know what we are doing with ourselves…but underneath, we mourn our true self and life. And we flog ourselves even more for not only failing everyone else, but ourselves as well.
IT’S EXHAUSTING!! When you look at it that way.
And you know the other funny thing? When someone shares with us their feelings of failure…we rush to support them, lift them up, encourage them, and inspire them to see that they are not failures and are worthy lovable individuals, as we should. We would never let someone we love dearly go on feeling bad about themselves without doing something to help them past it.
So…why are we not doing this with ourselves?
Why do we allow ourselves to do the very thing to ourselves that we reassure and urge others not to do and believe? And why do we so readily believe the negative feedback we get, when we tell others to ignore it? Where is that positive cheerleader…for ourselves?
It is time, my Lovely Friends…to put this to rest. There is so much going on that needs our attention, and our positive thoughts, deeds, and light energy. We can’t possibly have enough time or stamina for that attention if we are spending it all on shaming ourselves and fear. We must not give in to the negative energy flow, we must turn it away…it only distracts us from what is really important. Which is being and living our authentic lives…and helping others and this world out of its mess. Put the self-flogging weapons down…it is only then that we will be able to see how wonderful we really are. (Read on for tricks on how to do this).
Here’s the thing ~ We do not need to be stuck on needing to have any “special” gifts…
Because we ARE the special gift…just as we are…our authentic and true self.
So, let’s change our inner dialogue to reflect that belief. Change the negative feedback to positive input. How do we do that? By actively taking steps to retrain our minds to listen to the good rather than the bad.
Try this: write post it notes with positive affirmations and put them up on your bathroom mirror so you read them every morning. (My daughter did this and wow, what a powerful tool!) Leave “dear self” love notes for yourself all over the house. For every negative thought you have, follow it with a positive one. Over ride it with messages of encouragement, to yourself. Tell yourself everything you would tell someone else to lift them up, cheer and inspire them. Give yourself the love you give to others. Put a reminder in your phone or ipad that comes up at various times in the day reminding you that you are amazing and wonderful just as you are. If you hear negativity in the day…wouldn’t it be great to see a different message follow? Make recordings of your voice telling you what is wonderful about you. Actively change how you talk to yourself, your patterns…even if you don’t “believe” it in the beginning, keep at it, because the mind absorbs what we tell it. Soon, you will find your thought patterns will shift…and so will your life.
Decide you are not a failure. It is your decision alone. Just make that decision right now. You are who you are, so how could you possibly be a failure if you are being you. It is not up to anyone else who we are or whether we are worthy. It is entirely up to us…and what we believe about ourselves will tell others what to believe too.
Make You your best friend. And give yourself the gift of compassion and worthiness…just as you give to others. Tell yourself this, often…you deserve it!