Worth and Failure ~ Who Decides

 

I am inspired to write this blog by a dear online friend I had not “seen” for a while who has been having some life difficulties and wrote about it. She has a lovely blog, and I will add her link to the end of this post so you can visit. The topic she wrote about was failure, or perceived failure, and how it had touched her life and made her feel. She was very brave writing about her deepest feelings…and it touched my heart. What also touched my heart were the responses of love and support she received. And the threads of a blog took hold…

I have written about self-worth and failure before…but this is different. Because I think it is time we set aside our self-flogging weapons and face the fact that we are…Amazing Beings…just as we are.

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Here we are…getting up each day to face a horrific world scenario to navigate through, while trying to carve out some life and peace while we are here…very important tasks to be sure! And what do we spend most of our precious thoughts, energy, and efforts on?

In a day, how many times do we berate ourselves, chastise, and mentally beat ourselves up for what we perceive as our failures or inabilities to conquer life, problems, worry, and stress. How much of our inner dialogue is scolding ourselves for not being “more” or criticizing who we are and how we do things? And how much of this inner dialogue is inspired by “what we perceive others are thinking about us”? Or for that matter, telling us in some instances. How many minutes, hours in a day do we spend negatively talking to ourselves?

And…where is it written that we have to believe any of it?

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Our old friend, the trickster Fear, is driving that negative bus…and we need to take his license away.

We Fear not being good enough, not doing enough, not being enough or the right way or what everyone else thinks we should be. We Fear that if we do not conform or keep moving and rushing and “doing” that we will not be seen as intelligent or successful or worse…lovable. We Fear if we are not “perfect”, we will not be accepted and loved. Fear gets under our skin…so most of the time we pretend we know what we are doing with ourselves…but underneath, we mourn our true self and life. And we flog ourselves even more for not only failing everyone else, but ourselves as well.

IT’S EXHAUSTING!! When you look at it that way.

And you know the other funny thing? When someone shares with us their feelings of failure…we rush to support them, lift them up, encourage them, and inspire them to see that they are not failures and are worthy lovable individuals, as we should. We would never let someone we love dearly go on feeling bad about themselves without doing something to help them past it.

So…why are we not doing this with ourselves?

Why do we allow ourselves to do the very thing to ourselves that we reassure and urge others not to do and believe? And why do we so readily believe the negative feedback we get, when we tell others to ignore it? Where is that positive cheerleader…for ourselves?

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It is time, my Lovely Friends…to put this to rest. There is so much going on that needs our attention, and our positive thoughts, deeds, and light energy. We can’t possibly have enough time or stamina for that attention if we are spending it all on shaming ourselves and fear. We must not give in to the negative energy flow, we must turn it away…it only distracts us from what is really important. Which is being and living our authentic lives…and helping others and this world out of its mess. Put the self-flogging weapons down…it is only then that we will be able to see how wonderful we really are. (Read on for tricks on how to do this).

Here’s the thing ~ We do not need to be stuck on needing to have any “special” gifts…

Because we ARE the special gift…just as we are…our authentic and true self.

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So, let’s change our inner dialogue to reflect that belief. Change the negative feedback to positive input. How do we do that? By actively taking steps to retrain our minds to listen to the good rather than the bad.

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Try this: write post it notes with positive affirmations and put them up on your bathroom mirror so you read them every morning. (My daughter did this and wow, what a powerful tool!) Leave “dear self” love notes for yourself all over the house. For every negative thought you have, follow it with a positive one. Over ride it with messages of encouragement, to yourself. Tell yourself everything you would tell someone else to lift them up, cheer and inspire them. Give yourself the love you give to others. Put a reminder in your phone or ipad that comes up at various times in the day reminding you that you are amazing and wonderful just as you are. If you hear negativity in the day…wouldn’t it be great to see a different message follow? Make recordings of your voice telling you what is wonderful about you. Actively change how you talk to yourself, your patterns…even if you don’t “believe” it in the beginning, keep at it, because the mind absorbs what we tell it. Soon, you will find your thought patterns will shift…and so will your life.

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Decide you are not a failure. It is your decision alone. Just make that decision right now. You are who you are, so how could you possibly be a failure if you are being you.  It is not up to anyone else who we are or whether we are worthy. It is entirely up to us…and what we believe about ourselves will tell others what to believe too.

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Make You your best friend. And give yourself the gift of compassion and worthiness…just as you give to others. Tell yourself this, often…you deserve it!

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Blessings!

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Shades of Success

 

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” ~ Winston Churchill

“Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get.” ~ W.P. Kinsella

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” ~ Confucius

“A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.” ~ Bob Dylan

“If it’s not exactly like you thought it would be, you think it’s a failure. What about the spectrum of colors in between.” ~ Sara Evans

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from The Desk of MarDrag:

The last quote above I posted on the “Thoughts for The Day” blog this past Thursday. It got a few comments, and caught my attention as well as being a subject spoken of with two of my clients this past weekend. Success…and what does it mean? How do we identify it? And should we judge ourselves or others for what we deem a lack of Success.

Here is the blurb I wrote on my thoughts about the quote:
“In this world of “instant gratification”, I believe the judgment of success or failure has become skewed. If something or someone does not hit instant, major, global, phenomenal, major success status immediately upon launching whatever endeavor is being attempted, then it is deemed a failure. And so…we have pictures and expectations in our minds about how we want our endeavors to go and how we think we should reach our goals. And if the outcome does not look the way we thought it should…then we feel we have failed. But as the quote says…what about all the colors…or levels of success in between. On the color spectrum, there is black and white on either end. One success, one failure. Now…what about all those other colors in between that count for a level of success or completion or lessons learned to do better next time. No color is wasted on that spectrum. So, no moments we spend in our endeavors are wasted either. Take the crayons of life and color your world with ALL the colors of what you have done, achieved, and struggled with…for all those colors make up the entire picture…of YOU.”

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I wanted to repost that here, and expound on it a little bit because…it is so important for us to recognize that no matter where we are on the color spectrum of Success…it is still Success. I believe we focus so much these days on why something did not happen, or that it did not happen the way we wanted it to…or it has not happened yet…or we have a lofty goal that we could not attain…or we compare ourselves to others and their level of Success…and all the while we are focusing on these things…we are forgetting to take a good look at what we have accomplished and give it the recognition it, and we, deserve. Even Failure can be considered a Shade of Success if we learn from it and move forward with a new Wisdom and try again…and again…until we create what we want or find out something even better awaits.

Quote by Michael Jordan

Quote by Michael Jordan

See, the truth is, in the span of our lifetimes, we will have many Successes and Failures in varying degrees and shades on the spectrum. But that is just it…it is still “on the spectrum”. Even if something does not work out, we were Successful in trying it and taking a chance or risk. We gathered our Courage and put ourselves out there. Even if it did not work out, we Succeeded in the Effort…and that counts for something. That builds up over the years and counts in the basket that holds our Self-Confidence and Self-Worth. If we do achieve the Success we sought in the endeavor, then we reap the benefits…and still move on to try something else.

So…Success is a Journey as well as a Destination. And there are many Shades of Success on the spectrum, and we fall on any one of those colors all the time. We just need to see it for what it truly is…a…Shade of Success…and color our lives with that, so we can keep moving and not get stuck in a rut of “perceived” Failure. I say it in quotation marks because Success and Failure are really all in the way we look at things.

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Let’s look at all those Shades of Success (between the black and white of Success and Failure) and map our paths in a new way. If Efforts are made and Chances are taken and Lessons are learned, we are a Success. Let us Empower ourselves, and others, to see that Failure really cannot exist…when we have such a rich, full, spectrum of Shades of Success.

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Blessings!

Thoughts For The Day

 

TH 1

“What matters is how you feel about yourself, right here and right now, because that’s what determines how you conduct your life here. There’s no time except the present moment, so it’s important to be yourself and live your own truth.” ~ Anita Moorjani

MarDrag’s Thoughts:

There is never a better moment than this one…to seek and live in our own Truth. To be our authentic Self…to find out who we are and live by that knowledge. It is when we go within and uncover that True Self and love and accept that Self unconditionally, that our lives and purpose fall into place. This is the moment. Be Yourself!

TH 2

“If it’s not exactly like you thought it would be, you think it’s a failure. What about the spectrum of colors in between.” ~ Sara Evans

MarDrag’s Thoughts:

In this world of “instant gratification”, I believe the judgment of success or failure has become skewed. If something or someone does not hit instant, major, global, phenomenal, major success status immediately upon launching whatever endeavor is being attempted, then it is deemed a failure. And so…we have pictures and expectations in our minds about how we want our endeavors to go and how we think we should reach our goals. And if the outcome does not look the way we thought it should…then we feel we have failed. But as the quote says…what about all the colors…or levels of success in between. On the color spectrum, there is black and white on either end. One success, one failure. Now…what about all those other colors in between that count for a level of success or completion or lessons learned to do better next time. No color is wasted on that spectrum. So, no moments we spend in our endeavors are wasted either. Take the crayons of life and color your world with ALL the colors of what you have done, achieved, and struggled with…for all those colors make up the entire picture…of YOU.

TH 4

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” ~ C. JoyBell C.

MarDrag’s Thoughts:

I have written much about Direction in life here on the blog…but I just love the quote above for its simple wisdom and inspiration. I know it is difficult not to know where we are going in life, and we have our goals that we want to reach. But as the quote says…it is when we are “suspended in mid-air” that we find out who we truly are and how much creativity, strength, and courage we have…and we find out just how high we can soar. Until those wings are tested, we stay on the ground. Don’t be afraid to fly into the wind with No Direction! Your wings, and your Inner Wisdom, will know where and how to carry you. Trust! YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT!

Blessings!

Thoughts For The Day

Thoughts 1“You may have a fresh start at any moment you choose, for this thing that we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.”  ~ Mary Pickford

MarDrag’s Thoughts: I love this quote for its simple truth. We all fall down sometimes in life, or things do not work out as we planned or expected. We are quick to call ourselves failures and become depressed or feel hopeless. But…it is only failure if we fall…and stay down. If we fall and wallow in the muck of misery…we inevitably will get stuck and make it harder to get out of it. If we can look at the falls we have, or the mistakes we make, or the sometimes unfortunate turn things can take as stepping stones to get to where we are meant to go…then we can not fail at all…for all those things contain messages and lessons that, if learned, make us that much more ready to move on to be a success. And…at any moment…we can decide to step out of the muck and have a fresh start. Go ahead…lift your foot…and take the step!

Thoughts 2

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”  ~ Gandhi

MarDrag’s Thoughts: We cannot possibly find happiness, or be happy, if the things we think, say, and do are at odds with each other. If we say one thing but do another…we are not living in truth. Even worse is when we think one way, but say and do another. We are only fooling ourselves in these cases, and render a constant state of confusion, for ourselves and for those around us. Strive for alignment of the mind, heart, soul and body. Be honest, with everyone but most importantly your Self…and you will find Balance…which leads to Harmony.

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“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”  ~ Buddha

MarDrag’s Thoughts: In my opinion, we as a society have forgotten to be there for each other…we have forgotten that we are all connected. And even further…we have forgotten that we need each other and need to work together to make this world a better place to live in. It seems it is “every man for himself” today and that there is a fear that if we give something of ourselves, we are giving it away never to see it again, and we fear we will lack. But as Buddha says…Happiness and Kindness never decreases when shared. In fact, I believe it increases when shared. Today…share a little bit of your happiness with someone…and see it grow within and around you. Light that candle.

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“There is a calmness to a life lived in gratitude, a quiet joy.”  ~ Ralph Blum

MarDrag’s Thoughts: Be grateful for the gift of your life. Always racing on the next best thing takes a lot of energy and does not guarantee happiness and satisfaction. Be grateful for what you do have. Within that grateful glow is a sense of peace…like you can stop for a moment and enjoy what you have already achieved. Experience the calm and the joy of Gratitude.

Blessings!