A Poem ~ Repost


I guess it’s Nostalgia week…because so many voices, words, and thoughts have come up this week from the past. Not a bad thing, as it all has a reason and always helps the trajectory forward…if we use it for movement and not to stay stuck. Anyway, I came across this poem I posted a few years ago, and it kind of struck me. Ouch! It asked for another airing so, what is a poet to do? I hope you enjoy. Blessings!



I take to the streets of my soul

Laboring over cobblestones of the past

Ducking in doorways

Listening for sounds

Or footsteps

Looking for the flicker of a light

Searching for the key

That will open that which is closed in me

(by MarDrag)

Where’s “Mike”?


I took a day to relax yesterday and marathon one of my favorite new shows, “Grace & Frankie”. It is a Netflix series…and if you haven’t seen it yet…it is a “Must-See”. You can Google it if you don’t know it so I won’t go into detail here…but it is a very funny, very poignant and touching show about two couples of advanced age and the changes in their lives. It stars one of my favorite all time comedians…Lilly Tomlin…who delivers a magical and hilarious performance.

In one of my favorite scenes, LT has just purchased a new laptop, which she knows nothing about, including the internet, etc., so she gets a “help” phone number and calls for assistance in setting it all up.


Now, we all know what this entails. And…when was the last time we just “called” a help tech and actually got help. But I love this scene. LT gets a verrry nice computer tech on the line named “Mike”, with a gorgeous low, sultry voice, who soothes her right away by telling her to relax, he is there to help her, and not to worry, he will talk her through everything. Cut to the next scene and they are chatting about her ex-husband, kids, and she is about to send out her first tweet from her new laptop with “Mike” shouting hurrahs on the other end of the phone. I love how this “wishful thinking” writing of this scene lulls us into an, awww isn’t that nice reaction…but…

Now tell me…when have any of us ever gotten a tech like “Mike” on the phone?

I picture him to look like this…


When they all really look like this…


What we want is this…


But what we get is this…


Ultimately…all we really want…is this…


So…can someone tell me…where’s “Mike”?? Anyone? Buehler??


Being OK ~ Repost



I was looking through some very old blog posts from years ago today, just reading and recalling what was happening in my life when I wrote some of them. And it really cemented how much of a cycle life is. Many of the blogs I wrote years ago relate to today. So I am reposting one of them that spoke out and resonated…as I hope it will do for you.


“There is some kind of a sweet innocence in being human- in not having to be just happy or just sad- in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole, at the same time.”  ~ C. JoyBell C.

from the Desk of MarDrag:

Life is not ok sometimes. And for some, life seems not ok most of the time. As this Great Tapestry of life gets woven, with all our individual tapestries being woven at the same time….the thrust of the ever present needle can be felt harshly. As that needle, bearing its string of thread, plucks through the hole of the canvas and pulls the strand through, we feel it, and it can yank at our comfort, peace and balance. Behind us, the threads are fit snuggly into their place in the picture, for better or worse, but before us is a blank canvas, and the anticipation of our thread being pulled through another point in the tapestry can also cause us anxiety, angst and fear.


When things are not working right in our life, or as we think they should, we feel the strain of every inch of our threads scraping through the fabric, creating tension and resistance. In our minds eye, we see our weaves, our tapestries completed in a certain way, with a certain picture we either want to see, or think we should see. That, though, is rarely how they turn out. And we feel that is not OK.

The trouble is, we cannot always see or know how things are really supposed to look or turn out. We are so busy watching the threads being pulled, or trying to direct where they should go, that we miss viewing the bigger picture. And also, we can’t always see that bigger picture, because we are meant to experience every turn, every pull in the thread that takes us there. Life is a journey, not a destination, and we never know completely and with final assuredness where we are meant to go next, or why, or how. Sometimes that ends up being a lovely surprise.


And that is why, as hard as it may seem, we have to try to Be OK with the what, when, where, how and why…because all of those lead us somewhere, and most of the time, the best places we are led to are the most unexpected ones.  And, just when we think we cannot go on another minute the way things are…another minute goes by, and we make it through. And we are…OK.

There have been many times in my life when I said, I can’t stand another minute of this, and then another minute passed and I still moved forward. I had to dig ever deeper for the strength to pass that minute, but I did…and we do, because that is what is needed of us. We must surrender those minutes, over and over, peeling back the layers of “Not OK”, until what is meant to happen reaches us, and then a new journey begins.


If you are going through a difficult moment, and wondering where your thread is being woven and when you will get to where you are going, keep telling yourself it is OK to be where you are at, and each time you surrender to that, you peel another layer back that reveals your true self, stripped of all the “I think I should be doing this” threads, and the true place you are meant to be will be revealed to you and you will “get the picture”. When we resist where we are at, the tension pulls at our thread, so it cannot be placed where it is meant to be woven. If we can relax that thread and be OK with its placement, we will discover there may be a piece of the picture we would not have seen otherwise.


When we can make it ok that some things are not ok, then we can find some balance and perspective. You have to say its OK, feel its Ok, in order to BE OK.



A Moments Recall



I remember the day clearly, precisely. I remember the heat of the day, and trying to manage to stay cool. I recall getting out of my car and stepping up to the sidewalk that I would follow as it led me into the building before me. I registered the sidewalk to be newer, cleaner as I paced toward the front door. I also remember my shoes as I looked down at the pavement. Good shoes, I thought…excellent. I looked up as I approached the door then, and noticed two other young ladies just coming out of this door…young, dressed up, seemingly carefree young ladies. Their hair done in the perfect “undone” fashion, their clothes in the latest style…and the shoes…good shoes too. Crap!

These young ladies had exited from the door that I was about to enter, the door that led to another door where behind it, I would interview for a job, a job that those nubile young ladies had no doubt just interviewed for too.

And I felt the shift. I felt the hot air ripple and move. I felt it jar my world.

I will forever remember the heat from the sidewalk, and the slow motion that took over my legs as I walked, opened the door, and forced myself inside.


You see, by that point, I was no longer a “young lady”. I was still in good shape, but I was no longer a young women on the job market. I was an older woman on the job market, and I was unaware yet that day what a difference that would make. That is why the details are so vibrant in my memory. We imprint those moments that we somehow know our lives will never be the same after…and this was one of them. This was about 12 years ago, after another surgery that kept me out of work (and a long career) for a year…a year that changed everything. The world had changed (many major things had erupted), I had changed, and how I had counted on things to work, how I had maneuvered my life and the way I did things was going to irrevocably change. In that instant I knew it and I had to accept that then. It was not easy to be sure. Reinvention ensued.

That moment comes to mind now as I talk here about Acceptance and Trust as…all these years later…I am faced with moving to another level of life. Perhaps I am recalling this today because I am feeling old today and my senses are looking for something to relate to that will remind me that this is one moment…like all the others…that will pass into something else yet imprint within me and add to the color of my character and self.


After these two years of illness and recovery, I emerge changed again, as the world is changed again too. And isn’t this what life is all about. We never reach one level and stay there, unless of course we want to. But life is a series of circumstances, action, result, then movement. I’m still doing it. Yeah!

Today…I just feel a little slower at it.





What’s In A Day



“We are all ordinary. We are all boring. We are all spectacular. We are all shy. We are all bold. We are all heroes. We are all helpless. It just depends on the day.”  ~ Brad Meltzer

“We are so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget that the inner value – the rapture that is associated with being alive – is what it is all about.”  ~ Joseph Campbell


Both of these quotes are among my favorites and, as I move through this journey of life, there are times when they resurface with a new meaning…and so I know I am moving on. A good thing. I recently wrote about Acceptance with a need to be followed by Trust…and then I wondered what next. Certainly a deep breath…and then these two quotes leaped back to remind me that it is only ever about being alive and living that life being in every moment. So that means not worrying about the moment to come or the moment that just passed by.


And in this moment we can be whatever we need to be, in the next moment we will be something else, and that is the rhythm of life.

So today, let’s Be Alive…whatever that means, live it with Rapture. That is what gives it purpose.



Let It Go & Trust – Yikes!


Let Go2.jpg

This is the message I got this morning, loud and clear. Every morning I do my cleansing and grounding ritual in the shower. As the restorative hot water hits my skin and runs in healing rivulets down my body, awakening my senses, I visualize all the negative energy, pain, and “stuff” I hold onto getting washed away with the water, down, down the drain, releasing it to Mother Earth…who transforms it into energy to be used for a better purpose…and then fill myself with light and love and grounding energy. It helps so much to start the day cleansed, grounded, and clear.

I have some stuff going on, I recently wrote about my “Acceptance” of it and the relief to feel that release of not holding on to an outcome anymore. It is not easy…this Letting Go. But the harder part comes next…to Trust that it will all work out. Yikes! Trust? I thought I just had to Let Go! Wink!


But, behind the letting go does come the need to Trust that it will either work itself out as it is supposed to be OR that I will know what to do when I need to do it to change the thing. So this was the message this morning…

“Let it all go…and let it work in all its perfectness.”

Yikes! But I get it.

There are those times when all the things we do, all the worry we endure, all the suffering we inflict on ourselves about a situation…will change nothing…and we waste all that energy. What if we decided to have fun while waiting for a situation to work out? Who says we have to “suffer through it?” If it is going to work out anyway…??

Let Go3

Of course, there are those times we need to take circumstances and mold and form them, putting in great effort for great success. But…there are times like these…when Letting Go, Waiting, and Trusting…is the only thing to do. And in that case…we have the power to decide what state we wait in and what will benefit our well-being more? Letting Go and Trusting? Or hanging on for dear life with bloodied hands and heart.

So I take a deeeeep breath…Let It Go…and Trust in the process and that my Higher Self and Powers will see me through until resolution comes. Ok now…Breathe…

Let Go1.jpg

A Careless Whisper



I was in a large crowded area the other day waiting for an appointment. I usually like to melt into the crowd, stay to myself, and sometimes people watch. We humans are an interesting study! But, this day, I was disturbed by what I saw and heard.

I know that most people will say that the world has changed and become a harder, more fearful place to live…and I agree, this is true. I also believe that so many social graces have fallen by the wayside, with social media making it ok to “say anything”. Again, I hear most people say that we all just have to grow a thicker skin, let it roll off, or not take it personal. (which, incidentally, I do not necessarily agree with).

But…what if it IS personal?

This is what I saw…there were many people of all shapes, sizes, and colors in this room. Yet, I overheard (because they were loud, I was not intentionally listening) two women criticizing and making fun of another woman sitting a few chairs away. Because these women were loud, the other woman also overheard what they were saying. I saw her shoulders slump, and she turned slightly away. The women continued their verbal assault on this woman that they did not know who had not done or said anything to them. I was getting irritated and felt compassion for the poor young lady and was about to get up and speak to the two that were cackling, but then the young lady got up herself…and walked out of the office, I can only assume to get away from these women and their awful judgmental voices.

It made me so sad…and I thought…how can we do this to one another? Those two women did not know who the other woman was or what her life was like, what her story was. EVERYONE has a story, that life story that makes them who they are. Everyone. And we have no right to judge another’s story. We also do not know how much hurt a person can feel from a careless whisper. What if that young lady was already in a sensitive place, and those harsh words from a careless person, sent her over the edge? We do not know how badly they can be affected…and we should consider this when we feel compelled to judge or say something unkind, flippant, or harsh. As we all are, because we are human.

The thing is…we do not know what people’s hearts look like. We do not know what they have been through.


And one careless whisper can ruin one day, one life. Why would we ever want to do this?

But a kind word, a kind whisper…can also change a person’s day.


Our hearts should look like this…from the kind words we hear each other say.


Let us make sure our words reflect Love and Kindness…and that which we would want to hear back as well.




The Sigh of Acceptance



Acceptance…is such a big word. I have recently had an epiphany about some things I needed to accept in my life. These are things I have wanted to change and some that I did not believe needed change…and so I set about trying to maneuver them to be what I thought and believed they needed to be.


This, I think is hard to do…or at least difficult to discern when to do. Because we get messages that say don’t settle, or we can make anything happen, or we have the power to change anything we want to. And yet…there are those situations that, try as we might, they don’t or won’t change. So…where do we go from there?


Though it is almost always, certainly from the outset, the more difficult path…Acceptance really is the answer for those situations. I found myself spending gargantuan amounts of energy to try to make the universe see it “my way”…when in the end the transformation came in letting go and accepting, because then I could move into action, whatever that might be. Hanging on only keeps us riveted to the same place.


I fiercely tried to hide from the reality I could not control these things. I hoped and believed in my hiding place…it was furnished with all the reasons why I believed the way I did. I cluttered my life…and others…with those reasons and sometimes railed at the heavens that the higher powers did not “see” what I meant. I suffered in my lament of not being understood or heard. But how could anyone really hear me…when I was hiding?

Ultimately…there is no where to hide…because we are the stars of our lives. We play the lead in the story of our own lives. So like the movies we watch flow across a screen…accepting each scene as a part of the story that helps us understand the entire picture and its message…so are these experiences in our lives. To Accept as part of our story.



This has been, to be real, hard. But there is relief also. Relief that I no longer have to pretend that those issues I had to Accept where anything other than what they really were. And I don’t have to pretend anymore that these things were “alright”. I Accept that they weren’t, and when I did, the pressure broke…like opening a pressure cooker…and all the steam let out. Relief.

It is what it is…as I am who I am.

Blessings and Love to you all!