I remember the day clearly, precisely. I remember the heat of the day, and trying to manage to stay cool. I recall getting out of my car and stepping up to the sidewalk that I would follow as it led me into the building before me. I registered the sidewalk to be newer, cleaner as I paced toward the front door. I also remember my shoes as I looked down at the pavement. Good shoes, I thought…excellent. I looked up as I approached the door then, and noticed two other young ladies just coming out of this door…young, dressed up, seemingly carefree young ladies. Their hair done in the perfect “undone” fashion, their clothes in the latest style…and the shoes…good shoes too. Crap!
These young ladies had exited from the door that I was about to enter, the door that led to another door where behind it, I would interview for a job, a job that those nubile young ladies had no doubt just interviewed for too.
And I felt the shift. I felt the hot air ripple and move. I felt it jar my world.
I will forever remember the heat from the sidewalk, and the slow motion that took over my legs as I walked, opened the door, and forced myself inside.
You see, by that point, I was no longer a “young lady”. I was still in good shape, but I was no longer a young women on the job market. I was an older woman on the job market, and I was unaware yet that day what a difference that would make. That is why the details are so vibrant in my memory. We imprint those moments that we somehow know our lives will never be the same after…and this was one of them. This was about 12 years ago, after another surgery that kept me out of work (and a long career) for a year…a year that changed everything. The world had changed (many major things had erupted), I had changed, and how I had counted on things to work, how I had maneuvered my life and the way I did things was going to irrevocably change. In that instant I knew it and I had to accept that then. It was not easy to be sure. Reinvention ensued.
That moment comes to mind now as I talk here about Acceptance and Trust as…all these years later…I am faced with moving to another level of life. Perhaps I am recalling this today because I am feeling old today and my senses are looking for something to relate to that will remind me that this is one moment…like all the others…that will pass into something else yet imprint within me and add to the color of my character and self.
After these two years of illness and recovery, I emerge changed again, as the world is changed again too. And isn’t this what life is all about. We never reach one level and stay there, unless of course we want to. But life is a series of circumstances, action, result, then movement. I’m still doing it. Yeah!
Today…I just feel a little slower at it.
TAKE YOUR TIME IF YOU NEED TO, BE OK WITH WHO YOU ARE TODAY, AND LOVE YOURSELF WITHOUT CONDITIONS. YOU DESERVE THIS!