“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not. “ ~ Author Unknown
“If you hear a voice within you saying, ‘You are not a painter,’ then by all means paint
and that voice will be silenced.” ~ Vincent Van Gogh
“If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It’s very important to be aware of them every time they come up.” ~ Deepak Chopra
“Every waking moment we talk to ourselves about the things we experience. Our self-talk, the thoughts we communicate to ourselves, in turn control the way we feel and act.” ~ John Lembo
“If you celebrate your differentness, the world will, too. It believes exactly what you tell it—through the words you use to describe yourself, the actions you take to care for yourself, and the choices you make to express yourself. Tell the world you are a one-of-a-kind creation who came here to experience wonder and spread joy. Expect to be accommodated.” ~ Victoria Moran
“Your self-talk is the channel of behavior change.” ~ Gino Norris
from the Desk of MarDrag:
Self-Acceptance is so very influenced by all those voices in our heads, as well as the voices from family, friends, co-workers, or just about anyone we come in contact with on a daily basis. It all affects us.
We are all aware that we have internal dialogue that goes on all day, every day. It is a fact of life. We are multi-faceted beings, with many components and “selves” that make up our whole self. We have an inner parent, an inner child, an inner angry person, an inner peace-maker, an inner genius, an inner ego, an inner wisdom keeper…etc. And these inner selves are all connected to the threads that make up our glorious tapestries, our glorious self. That is a lot of selves to manage in a day. And they all have a voice. Clamoring to be heard. It can get pretty noisy and confusing listening to these voices and trying to decide who to listen to and what to believe about ourselves.
But, the loudest voice of them all, is the voice of the Ego. Now, Ego has some wonderful qualities and values, but I won’t mention those now, for the purpose of this post I mention only the loud, obnoxious, negative, self-serving, know-it-all side of the Ego voice. You know when you meet someone who is egotistical and you say…”well that person really thinks they know it all” or “did you hear the way they spoke?” That is what “this side” of the Ego does when it speaks to us. The Ego absolutely thinks it has to be right all the time, that it knows everything and that there is no voice greater than its own, and it will shout the loudest and longest until all the other voices give up and retreat to the shadows in exhaustion because they “think” they can’t be heard and are tired with trying.
In the quote from Deepak Chopra above, he tells us to go beyond the ego and internal dialogue. Which is so important, and not always easy. But, it is so necessary, so that we can create a space for the other voices to be heard who impart wisdom, compassion and positive energy and the truth about who we really are. Because, you see, the Ego believes everything it is told including all the lies we tell it too. And it will repeat them back to us, as long as we will listen.
How many times a day do we hear ourselves say “I am just not good enough” or “If I could only_______, then I would be happy”. These statements keep us in a constant state of non-acceptance of ourselves, and take on the hamster wheel affect, they keep going round and round, but never get anywhere, and never leave. We have these conversations with ourselves, sometimes battles of back and forth, “I’m good, I’m bad” that leaves us half the time not knowing what we are at all.
So, because we need our Ego…it does have its purpose…we can’t get rid of it, but we can manage its dialogue…when we remember that its voice is under our control, it is our voice, we made it…and we can unmake it or change it. It is in our head, and who has command over what is in our head? Fortunately…we do!
The first step in any change in behavior or thought is to become aware of the issue. Once we are aware, we can’t go back. We know something new now. When I studied all of this, I learned that, for me, a trick that worked in silencing that Ego voice when it was spewing negative (and sometimes vile and ridiculous stuff) was simple:
When I hear my Ego voice say disparaging or negative things, I talk back…and tell it, “Thank you for sharing that, but I don’t think or feel that way, so I am going to choose to listen to ___________ who has something good to say to me.” I say to that voice “I am NOT going to listen to you”. Out loud if I have to. And I look to one of my other voices to comfort and support me.
Much like we do in real life. If we hear our children or loved ones say disparaging things about themselves, are we not ready with compassion and protestations of a positive nature to counter what they are saying? Our heart goes out to them and we want to make them feel and think better of themselves. Especially when we know they ARE better than what they are saying.
So…we need to do that exact same thing for ourselves. Dare to think enough of ourselves that we talk back to that voice and shut it down. After all…we created that voice, so we can uncreate it…or change what it is saying, or listen to another voice any time we want to. It is our absolute choice. It has to be a conscious thing at first, for it takes practice to change habits. But it is a far better way to spend our “thinking” energy in finding positive dialogue than fighting with (or succumbing to) the negative dialogue. Change the tune and the tone. Consciously choose to stop listening to the overrated side of the Ego, and listen to your Inner Parent telling you how great you are, or your Inner Wisdom Keeper who has nuggets and pearls to share, or your Inner Guide so they can give you direction. You can even write positive reminders and tack them to your mirror or computer to remind you throughout the day.
The idea is…that it is ok, even necessary, to actively take back control of our thoughts, of our minds, and remind all those selves that we are in command here, and we will choose what is right for us.
What we think ALWAYS shows itself in how we feel and ultimately how we act and by what manifests.
We have the Power, at any given moment, to say…this is not how this story is worded.
And, to do a rewrite!