Wednesday ~ “Getting Over The Hump Day” Humor

Happy Wednesday! Today’s humor blog is brought to you this week by “the male side of things”. These are the man rules, as set down by a guy whose name I do not know to give credit to.  So let’s give them a temporary break and allow them their moment. But only one!  🙂 Have a good laugh! Oh, and some pictures too.

Have a great Wednesday! Blessings!

The Guys’ Rules

We always hear ” the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
***Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Super Lazy

Daughter Inherited

Cute But Psycho

And A Special One For All Those Who Read This Blog……

Awesome Bubble

Advertisements

26 comments on “Wednesday ~ “Getting Over The Hump Day” Humor

  1. good morning and happy WEDNESDAY 🙂

    i will admit i stopped reading the rules only after a few. it started to annoy me 😛 lol sorry about that, i know they are meant to be funny… and they are, but they are so true in their mind.

    the pictures are so funny, i must save the one about the bubble 😛

      • it wasn’t that bad, but i had to accept them for a long time 😦 some really believe them 😦

        but again, its all good – hey! i don’t have to deal with that anymore 🙂

        the other pictures are funny too. We can apply the “Super” one to different things. we can get creative 😛

  2. Good Morning all. Oh boy, do I need to be in my awesome bubble today! No issues might be my motto for the day! Perhaps while in my bubble I will wear my cape! Now that’s a sight to behold.

    Men. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry while reading the Rules. LOL! Men can be so frustrating sometimes.

    Thanks for the Hump Day Humor. I needed light today and this was a great way to start.

  3. Another Wednesday Funny –

    CAR KEYS

    Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

    Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.

    As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

    Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Hi, honey,” I stammered, ( I always call him “honey” in times like these) “I love you. I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.

    There was a period of silence.

    I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. “Are you kidding’ me”, he barked, “I dropped you off” !!! !!!!

    Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”

    He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn’t steal your car.”

    Yep it’s the golden years………

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s