(I’m back with full capabilities….so let’s get going again!)
“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace.” ~ Victor Hugo
“In each family, a story is playing itself out, and each family’s story embodies its hope and despair.” ~ August Napier
“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” ~ Dr. Suess
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
from the Desk of MarDrag: (this is a bit of a long one!)
A few of you wonderful people who post here had a conversation the other day about a topic I promised to cover in a blog. The topic was about toxic situations, friends and family in our lives and how to deal with it all. Here is that blog:
Starting with the Definition from my trusty, dusty Oxford American Dictionary that still sits in an exalted place on my desk, it tells us:
TOXIC: “of or caused by poison; containing or being poisonous causing debilitation; extremely harsh, malicious and harmful”
With regard to Relationships: “harmful to our well-being; damages self-esteem and drains energy”
So, from those definitions, we can glean that toxins can come in many forms that affect us physically, mentally, emotionally, and in thought forms, and all of those can poison and eat away at our souls. Now, we are all relatively conscious of what we put in our bodies and try to keep them healthy physically and working at optimum levels. Even if we eat or drink things that are not always good for us (or smoke), we are aware enough to take reasonable care of ourselves. At the very least, we know what we are doing and are complicit to a degree. We would not, however, consciously drink poison that we know would damage or end our lives as we know them.
But, what about the toxic thoughts, feelings, and people we allow in our lives, minds, hearts and souls? What if we began to open our awareness to those toxins that we allow within us on those levels every day, and take action to release them? So that we can thrive in health and well-being as a whole person.
So many of us have difficulties in our lives with situations, complications, family members or friends, even spouses and children, that elicit some level of toxicity for us….some levels higher than others. And, we are conditioned as we grow up by so many factors – from family and from peers such as teachers, etc., to put obligation and fulfillment of others expectations above our own truth, comfort and well-being. So, we convince ourselves we have to handle it all. We create a “toxic comfort zone” so we can numb ourselves to it in order to maintain the daily activities and thoughts that are required of us. Then, we get comfortable in that toxic comfort zone because, at least there, we know what to expect and what we have to deal with and consider. Outside that zone is the unknown….and our ego will always tell us it is worse rather than better, because the ego thinks it is smarter and it does not want change. The Wiser Voice, who is far more astute, will tell us the truth….that it is infinitely better and we will thrive outside that toxic comfort zone. The difficulty lies in listening to that voice, and taking action.
In our adult life, we might discover this toxicity is the cause of our anxiety and unhappiness, and quest to get past it and retrieve what we have lost of our own lives. We are rarely told to put ourselves first….but that IS the first thing we should do.
Not that we should not consider others, but it is our life to live, and we should consider our lives first because if we are not mentally, physically and soully ok…then how can we be there for anyone else, including ourselves?
Actively think of and choose healthy thoughts vs. toxic thoughts. Keep focus on “positive activity” instead of sinking into toxic places that we do not feel we can get out of. Tell that ego voice you will not listen to its negative rhetoric. This also retrains the mind to look for better ways to think and operate. Start feeding the mind, heart and soul with healthy and nurturing thoughts and create that kind of relationship with yourself. It will affect your other relationships in a positive way, just by cause and effect.
Relationships should nurture us, fulfill us, raise our self-esteem, make us feel good, and be a source we can derive energy from. They should not drain us of our essence, energy and well-being. So if there is a toxic relationship in your life, allow yourself to disengage your emotions and thoughts from theirs (even if you can’t/do not want to disengage physically)……listen to the voice that tells you that you do NOT have to take on their issues, they are not yours and belong to someone else…..and clear those issues from your space. Take command of your space and declare that only positive well-being will reside there. This will make it easier for you to deal with the issues at hand with a clearer, calmer head & heart.
(Where family is concerned…there are 5 personality roles that we and our family members fit into. Knowing what role you, and those in your family hold can help you to understand what adjustments in your thought processes to make in order to deal with them better. But, for the sake of not making this blog longer than it already is, I would have to write about those separately…..if you are interested, let me know in comments.)
So, as you would do a cleanse to release toxins from your body to make it feel better, so too you can do a cleanse of your thoughts, emotions and lives of the toxins that impair your mental health and well-being. It IS ok, even necessary, to release and replenish.
(I do have some very easy yet powerful processes that can help you with this subject. They are not things that I can write about here though. If you are interested in learning more, I do work with people, by phone and in person, to assist with the processes. If you would like to know more about that, feel free to email me at the address on the contact page and we can discuss. I am always happy to help! And, they really DO help! I am also fiercely private and discreet.)