A Bit About Fear

 

Someone quite close to me has a life issue with Fear, so I took to my “Affirmation Cards” (by Amy Zerner & Monte Farber) to see what message I could find to help her with this issue. Many people experience this, and have a problem allowing fear to command their life and decisions. It can keep a person from having a full life or making decisions that need to be made.

The card I pulled about this is:  

“Gift of Compassion ~ I Use My Fears As Signs That Guide And Protect Me”

The message is: “Use this gift when your fears prevent you from acting in your best interest. Our fears exist to help keep us safe from harm and from repeating mistakes we have made. If we seek to understand why we are afraid, we can make fear our friend and helper, not our master. It is important to avoid fearing success and the many changes it will bring.”

So, fear is a two-sided coin. On one side, fear is our helper. It keeps us safe from harm and lets us know when something is in our path that we should stay away from, or alerts us to danger or harm. It also helps us to remember past mistakes that we are “afraid” to make again, and if we listen, we make better choices and decisions because of that fear.

But, there is the other side of the coin of fear also. That fear debilitates us if we allow it to. That fear can take command of our lives and cause us to shut down and stop living the life we are meant to live, and enjoy. It can keep us from new experiences, growing, and having loving people in our lives. It can also, as the affirmation says, keep us from moving forward to success and the changes being successful can bring. You have heard the saying…it is easier to be a failure than to fear success.

You have also heard, I am sure, the saying that the only thing to really fear is fear itself. And I do believe this is true. So, if we seek to understand what we fear and why we fear, then we can either release it and let it go, or master it, so we can function in spite of it…rather than allowing it to master us.

The thing is, fear is inside of us, so we have created it. And, if we create something, we can “uncreate” it. Knowledge is power, so if we gain knowledge about our fears, then they become less powerful, (as our power grows), and they have less and less impact. In addition, those things we fear “will happen” most of the time don’t happen….and we have spent all that energy on the fear instead of on taking action, or on being happy.

So, ask yourself this question….what purpose does fear have in my life? Write it down, make a list of pros and cons (like a two-sided coin). Writing brings clarity, and a list will show you what to keep and what to discard. Draw a line through the fears that do not serve you. Put the list somewhere you can see it and, when you feel a fear taking command, look to the list to see if it is one that helps you. If it is not, and it has a line through it, remind yourself you have crossed that one “off your list” and discarded it….and it has no power over you anymore. And let it go. The more you do this, the more your mind will retrain itself to recognize a healthy fear, or one that keeps you hindered in your life, and soon, you will not be controlled by it any longer. YOU will have the control back.

Seek to be the Mistress/Master of your life and all things in your mind and heart. You are the commander…..steer yourself in the right direction!

Blessings!

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11 comments on “A Bit About Fear

  1. Good morning,

    Thanks form this, a reminder to keep going. I have my moments of despair and second guessing myself. Thinking any progress I am making is not really progress, that I am still “damage”, then I star fearing. I am not really good enough, I should not do this or that, I am “down here” not up there, i should not all go, what would people say?, what if what I say or do is misunderstood? What if it makes me look like a fool? What if they realize I am stupid? And the list goes on and on, but if I stop then “madness” in my head and relax, let things be and do as I feel, I can just enjoy the moments for what they are.
    I heard recently on a preview to a movie, that danger is real, but fear is in our mind. It is an illusion, it is all full of scenarios. As you said, we can use that fear to help us prepare or not make the same mistakes, but disregard it if it has no use to us.

    I love this — “You are the commander…steer yourself in the right direction.”

    • Love your comments Cali. Fear is a real trickster! Because, as you say, it is mostly an illusion that we create out of our insecurities. Most of the time, the things we fear are not real and do not happen.

      If the fear is about something real, we will know it, not question it, and act accordingly. If the fear comes with all those questions you listed, then it is the dastardly fear that keeps us from enjoying our lives.

      The real “trick” is to distinguish between the two. That is why a list helps. We can refer to it, and help ourselves to recognize it & be aware of what we do/think.

      Glad you liked this! Sending love & hugs to you!! 🙂

  2. Great blog,…sometimes fear can become a way of life…just ask people whose parents lived through the depression; how their parents always feared it would happen again. My hubby has been laid off three times in his career. After the first time, we couldn’t help it but most of our decisions were made with the fear of it possibly happening again. Even when others thought us odd, we bought our used cars with cash, we held on to our cash until after a kid graduated and THEN paid off most of the loans. Having access to cash (and I’m not talking about millions here,…I wish) is what makes us feel less afraid. We don’t take trips or buy stuff for our house…now that we’re in our 50s I look back and think how much we haven’t done because of our fears. It’s hard to change, though. On the plus side, our kids don’t seem to be fearful. Interesting to me that given the opportunity to do something fun, vs. save their own money…they usually choose to enjoy life, to have fun. While I admire their gusto for life, in the back of my mind… It worries me a little bit,..but well, they have their own lives to live.

    • Interesting comments Lainey. I can relate to your notice of the difference in “our 50’s fears” and our kids and how they deal with fear. I notice the same with my DD as well, as their considerations differ from ours. It may be a generational thing, but I also think it has to do with the times we live in now. They are verrrry different than ours or our parents, etc. Like nothing anyone could have imagined. There are things I discuss with my DD that she has no concept of, except for what she hears from me or the elders in her life.

      Incidently, this is also one reason why I think the world in general is in trouble. Those considerations helped us stay balanced and prepared. With this “instant gratification” syndrome, there is no consideration of (learning from) the past or for the future.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts! You know I respect you and your thoughts!! 🙂

    • So good to see you hon! I just happened to pop on for a second and there you were! perfect timing. Glad all is good so far and hope you had a great Christmas.

      And wishing you a spectacular New Year!!
      (when the coast is clear, would love to hear how it all went!)

      Hugs & Blessings to you!

    • JustDee – I am late in posting but I have been wondering about how your Christmas invasion was going! Thanks for the update. I am happy to hear that it isn’t as bad as you thought possible.I’m with Mardrag – I would love to hear more when you get a chance.
      Happy New Year!

  3. Great blog! I read this a few days ago and several times since. This is very powerful. If I had to rank the importance of things that I need to work on, this would be #1.

    In addition to your insightful blog, your response to Cali hit me square between the eyes: “If the fear is about something real, we will know it, not question it, and act accordingly.” I need to hold on to this and utilize it when anxiety hits. Fear and anxiety are irrational – at least, mine are. I need concrete thoughts to off-set my anxieties.

    I am very glad that you wrote this because I can refer back to this blog whenever I need a reminder. Thank you, Mardrag!

    • You are very welcome Boobah….I’m glad this helps you! Fear is so tricky, but the more you can identify which fear is real, and which is not, your level of anxiety will decrease and become more proportionate.

      I will be doing a blog about Boundaries very soon. This will also help in dealing with anxiety and fears. Probably by week end, so look back for it!

      Hugging you tightly as you work on this!! 🙂

      • P.S. Boobah….the Boundary info will also help you with the “concrete thoughts to off-set my anxieties”. It is often difficult to pull our minds away from those anxieties unless we have a “tangible” way to do it. More hugs!

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