For A Reason


“The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary.”  ~ Ashleigh B.

I was talking to a friend the other day who has had some difficult things happening in her life lately. Of course, it is causing her stress and she is having a difficult time acknowledging all the positive things she has going on and the good people she has around her. One of the things she keeps saying is….why is this happening to me? What is the reason? I need an answer. And she wonders if everything does, indeed, happen for a reason….what is the reason for these unfortunate things that have come about.

Now, some people believe everything happens for a reason and there is a greater purpose to it and an eventual answer as to its presence while some people do not think this is true and that everything that happens is random and is “just what it is”. I will share that I actually straddle BOTH these distinctions. Why does it need be only either one? I attest that they are both true.

Many things happen in our lives on a daily basis. But, we don’t question all of them….only the ones that we have issues or trials with. Do we ever question the reason for good things happening to us? Do we ever say wow, that is amazing, I wonder why that happened to me? Or is it always, this terrible thing happened, why me? Why do you think we only question the adverse or difficult things that happen, but never the positive?

You see, I think that, as we move through our days, regular things happen that we do not question. They are what they are, random occurrences if you will, and we accept them, deal with them, and move on. But, when we are hit with something that has a special meaning to us, that turns our lives upside down, or that impacts us greatly……then it is connecting to a specific part of us that wakes up and says…oh, why is this happening? We then strive to look for its meaning and, at this point, I do subscribe to the idea that, if we think it has some meaning, then it does. And we should seek that meaning and work it out. It was sent from our Wiser Self to find us.

But, I also think, what if we give whatever happens a reason….give it a purpose, and weave it into our life tapestries as part of the make up of our landscape. See it as one of the threads that makes our pictures what they are. And that is the reason it is happening. Then reason, like purpose (from the Life’s A Purpose post) is in the journey, not a destination. We don’t need to reach or know the reason if THE reason is in its very presence. The fact that whatever is happening is in our lives at all is a reason to give the thing purpose and let it make its mark, allow it in all the way, accept it fully….and move on from there. We cannot avoid it. It is going to be there anyway……so WE give it reason. In doing that, we not only take our power back from the situation so we can find the balance point with it (and a solution or outcome), but we empower ourselves to overcome it…because we take control of our lives rather than letting the circumstance take control of us.

And within that, there is Reason.



25 comments on “For A Reason

  1. Great post Mar-I think when bad things happen my initial reaction is “why?” but never “Why ME?”…If I say why me it makes me feel like Im saying “why not-“insert name here” instead. If I didnt like what happened to me why would I want it to placed on someone else? This is not a way I have always thought-when I was younger I probably thought the world was out to get me- in that”why me” way that young people sometimes think! But now-I let it happen-good or bad. Sometimes the bad turns out to be a lesson or a life changing moment-we need those once in a while!
    Thank you Mar for your support and friendship and wise words during the Maggie trial-it was so special to me to read your words.

    • Jill, I love what you said: “If I say why me it makes me feel like Im saying “why not-”insert name here” instead. If I didnt like what happened to me why would I want it to placed on someone else? ”

      True story: A number of years ago, a mother at my kid’s elementary school got breast cancer. I was talking to her and telling her how sorry I was, and asking if I could do anything for her or her family. She actually said: “I don’t know why this is happening to me and not you. I exercise, eat right, and don’t smoke.” You don’t exercise, you don’t eat right, and you smoke. Why didn’t this happen to you?” I was struck dumb.

      Last night, my husband and I were talking about some stuff going on in our lives. Nothing horrendous – just feels like we are being pecked to death by ducks. I reminded him that we lived through 14 months of unemployment and we will get through this. If we didn’t have lows in our life, we would never appreciate the highs in our life.

      • Trudie- What is wrong with people? What kind of human being would say such a thing? Horrid!!!
        “Being pecked to death by ducks”-man do I know what the feels like!! Im glad you and the Hubs have the wisdom to know you will get through it.
        I hope the ducks leave you guys alone!!!

      • Wow! What a story trudie! That was a horrid thing for her to say…and I hope you did not take anything on from it. That was a learning moment for her and she totally missed it. Tho, I do not wish harm to come for anyone, I hope she is doing well now.

        I hope you and hubby stay strong and “get your ducks back in a row” so they stop pecking at you. When you have gone through the big stuff, you know you can get through the other stuff too.

        I so agree that the low moments in life serve to illuminate the high moments even brighter. Hugs to you hon!

    • “I love you man”! You are so great! Thanks for your wise words. I too agree that when bad things happen there is likely a lesson involved and it is a teaching moment for ourselves. And, it is those moments that our lives grow from…it is the manure that nourishes our lives like a garden! 🙂

      You are so welcome for the support with Maggie. It was so wonderful to see our lovely group rally around one of its members…which it always does. I love that place, and you, and all the special peeps that come there. Hugs!

  2. My mom is one of those “why is this happening to me?” people. When she found out she had cancer, that’s EXACTLY what she said. I bit my tongue and didn’t say what I was thinking which was – “Cause Shit Happens Mom!”. Instead I told her how Very Fortunate she was that she had been in perfect health for 76 years AND the doctor told her she’d be FINE after 6 months of treatment and an operation. (As opposed to my husband who was 44 years old and given 4 months to live when he found out HE was sick).

    Me on the other hand….I’m always worried if things are going to well. When I met my husband I just KNEW he was too good to be true and kept waiting to find out he was a Secret Psycho or something, lol. Took me 3 1/2 years before I married him and even then I was TERRIFIED that I’d wake up the next day and he’d be someone else.

    These days I know that he WAS too good to be true but was an incredible (though temporary) gift from God.

    • (((((JustDee))))) Eyes leaking here! You have been through it haven’t you? But your strength and courage do shine through lady! I know you do not always feel it or trust in it, but it IS there…..and there is a reason for that.

      I think it is wonderful that, even through the pain, you can see you were given a gift, even if it was all too short.

      How IS your mom doing BTW? Last you mentioned, she was feeling better. Is there a chance she will recover?

      Sending you Many Hugs!!

  3. Thanks MarDrag. Those words mean a lot coming from you.

    If you want to see my hubby (and me), go here – and scroll down to Aug 14th.

    Mom got a not great report from the doctor monday but good news is they’re giving her a break til Dec 31 and then they’ll start a new program.

    PS….. maybe you should call a plumber, it’s awful wet in here 😆

    • Wow…..thanks so much for sharing your blog! I bookmarked it and want to read if you don’t mind. Next….your man was a handsome guy, and I can see in his eyes (even the drunk eyes!) what a great guy he was! ALSO……MY birthday is on July 30th too…so he was a fellow Leo…and Leo’s are the best! LOL! Truly, we are loyal and kind and loving. Too “funny” we have the exact same birthday. See, you and I were meant to be friends!!

      BTW – you are a doll and a cutie too! LOVE your house. My dream is to live in the woods some day. Always has been.

      Now, I am sorry to hear the report from the doc about your mom was not good. Maybe a break would be good for her, enjoy the holiday, and start fresh from there. I send warm thoughts and good energy your way to help you both through it. (I/we are ALWAYS here for you!!)

      And yes…..I think I will find a plumber I can keep on retainer!! There seems to be a lot of leaks around here! 😀

      You are a good woman JustDee……I am very glad to have “met” you… add so much to my life and this blog. Many Hugs darling lady!

      • Of COURSE you can read my blog! Just keep in mind –
        A) I HATE to write and I’m not good at it.
        B) I haven’t been keeping up very well these last couple of years, though I’m trying to do better
        C) My life is not that interesting!

        Thanks for the compliments, but I don’t look like that anymore. I aged about 15 years when I lost Mike and that pic is 10 years old so…..I look 25 years older! I wish I would’ve known I was kinda cute back then though, lol.

        I CAN’T BELIEVE your birthday is July 30! (OMG!). No wonder we click! And my dream was ALWAYS to live in a little cabin in the woods too! I’m very grateful we met!

        Mom’s report wasn’t “bad”, just not what she was hoping for or expecting. I think the break will do her worlds of good.

      • I looked over your blog last night and loved reading it. I haven’t gotten too far, but I will. It is a little window into who you are, and I am enjoying getting to know you. Saw the picks of your mom….now I know why you said she would never move to Arkansas, she does look like the kind of woman who likes the comfort of condo’s, not a cabin in the woods. I mean that in the best way tho! 🙂

        I also am amazed to find you make natural tinctures! I am allll about natural and holistic healing! i have an acupuncturist/herbalist who I love and he has the best herbals. He has helped me through a few health issues…..but I love it to maintain health also. Do you still make them?

        We have so much in common. I love it!

        And don’t worry about aging….we all do it! I bet you are still a cutie! Isn’t it funny how we view ourselves? I sometimes look at old pics or someone will refer to when I was a certain age and I looked good…and I will think, really? I did? Oh, how these silly minds of ours work! Hmmm, I think I will write a blog about that! LOL!

        Good to hear your mom is getting break and it will do her good. You hang in there sweetie! Wishing you a good Friday! Hugs!

      • I guess we’re our own worst critics, huh?

        I still do my herbals when I’m home. Course it’s hard to keep my inventory up when I’m gone most of the time. I try though. And it sucks when there’s an issue that I have Just The Right Herb for – but it’s in Arkansas!

        LOL @ Mom in Arkansas! You’re exactly right!

  4. JustDee…seems like there are lots of leaky eyes over here!! I love that you call your husband a gift from God!!(and by love -I mean it made me really spring a leak!!) Hugs to you JustDee!!!

  5. it is sad when people are going through problems and they still can hurt some body else. you would think that because they are in pain they would understand not to cause pain to others 😦

    it is funny to read that some people woild say “why me?” i say, ” of course it happened to me” i need to change that thinking also. i do remember asking “why is God letting this happen?” but regret even thinking that. God is not letting anything happen, God just created us and we have free will. any ways, that is the question i would ask.

    i like your advice, to give it purpose. it is true that the very least, we would learn from the bad experience or bad thing that happened to us. other good purposes also, like we appreciate what we have more after, or we can help others, or it would make us stronger than we were before.

    thanks 🙂

    • Hi Cali! All good reasons to give it purpose that you mention here. I think that we, in being the one to give “it” purpose, empower ourselves instead of feeling at the affect of. It is such a better way to live.

      Good to see you!:)

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